Just Another Story Ep. 3

I stared at myself in the mirror with the clothes Emily picked out for me. Emily’s house is something I could’ve only dreamed. Her dad works as a VP in a multinational company. Her mom is a dentist and her brother’s a lawyer. She told me that she was managing the office she was working in. She’s indeed from a well-off family. And I can only imagine how the rest of my batchmates were doing.

“What do you say?” She asked in the middle of my daydreaming.
“It’s not for me.”
“What? You don’t like it?”
“I don’t like me.”

I turned away and changed back into my casual clothes and neatly folded the new clothes.

“Then what are you gonna do with those?” She asked in a very soft voice.
“You can have them.”
“Claaaaaiiiiirrrrrreeeeee!” She screamed.

I immediately turned to her.

“You are such a baby!” She shouted.
“What’s wrong with you?” I asked, confused.
“What is wrong with YOU? Were you really like that even in high school? I used to see you so jolly and all, but the more I spend time with you, the more I find out how lousy and boring you are as a person!”

It struck me. She sighed.

“Look, Claire. You’re what, 21? You’re way off the teenage life, you gotta pick yourself up! How do you want to show yourself in the homecoming when you’re trashing your own damn self! You’re like the end of the world!”
“That’s the reason I don’t want to go, Emily.” I told her as I slid down to the floor.
“You can tell me.”
“I… I don’t know.”
“I’m your friend.”
“For now….”
“And you are just gonna let me slip away like what you did to them?”

Did I?

“You’re right. I am a lousy and boring person.”
“And you should stop pitying yourself, it makes you annoying.”

I smiled.

“You know, I used to tell somebody that.”
“And?”
“Still, he tells me about how darned his life is, like there’s nothing he can do anymore. It got to my nerves so I changed my number to ward him off.”
“I would probably do the same thing to you.”

I looked at her. She’s pretty even without smiling.

“Did your mom give you those braces?”
“Yes, she did. Why?”
“So you didn’t have to pay, right?”
“Of course not. Silly. You need to wear them, too? I could ask mom to have an appointment with you, and I’ll tell her to charge not a single cent.” She said, flashing those neon orange braces.
“Nah. I don’t want to.”
“Don’t worry, Claire. We’re gonna go to the homecoming together. I’m gonna make you the prettiest you can be, and I won’t leave you alone for a second. Okay?”
“Promise?”
“Yes! But you really need to build up your confidence. Gee, I didn’t know you were so insecure.”
“Well….”
“But that’s okay. You just have to trust me. I’m your best friend.”

I felt assured.

“So, feeling better, or do you still feel anything bad?”
“I’m hungry.” I said, out of honesty and not sarcasm.
“Yeah, me too. Let’s ransack the kitchen.”

I was like a dumber just looking at whatever stuff she does. I was ignorant of house chores, and I know that I will not make a good wife.

“You got any craving?” She asked.
“I don’t know how to cook.”

She stared at me for a while and chuckled.

“It’s easy. Lemme show you. For a starter, I’ll be teaching you to make carbonara with ham-and-cheese-stuffed chicken fillet. What do you say?”
“Sounds difficult to memorize.”
“Haha. But it’s not difficult to make.”
“And I’m not sure it’s not difficult to like.” I said with a smile, like a kid being taught a new thing.

And that’s pretty much what I was like when we were in their kitchen. While munching in, I thought of how envious I am of Emily. She has everything I had been seeking for. I always thought I was better than anyone else but, as I’m getting older, I find out how much I’ve lagged behind everyone else.

“You should sleep here the night before the homecoming.” Emily said to me.
“Me? Oh no, I don’t do sleepovers. Nakakahiya.”
“Nah, it’ll be fun. I’ll ask my mom to ask your mom.”
“I hope she agrees.”
“Oh come on, you’re no longer a minor.”
“Yea, I know. I keep telling myself that.” I sighed out.

(I have no idea why this is in my drafts folder, but I’ll go on put it up, not that anybody follows this story but oh well. :P)

 

Oh wow.

I feel like a stranger. 🙂

To all who still come here and check out if I’m still alive, thank you. 🙂

Gosh, I’m so speechless right now. 😛

 

The forcedengineer would like to say

that she misses this site, and she misses you all. 🙂

Hugs and kisses for you!

BTW, I will be reuniting with my mom in 6 hours, isn’t that fun? 😀

And, I’m very happy to announce that I have done well, though not superb, in my academics during the previous semester. Hooray for me!

That’s one step closer to the edge (and soon I will be flying by myself).

I hope to be back. 😀

 

How Shameful

I am hoping to graduate from college in two years (2013).

But by then, my high school classmate would have finished her Master’s Degree.

And the littler I see myself.

 

BREAKing News

And it is quite odd to write again… But just this once maybe I will… And I’m pretty sure it’d be a blur.

I won’t start at the very beginning. That’d just cut out the fun in trying to figure out what happened. 

In fact there is no beginning here… Only an ending. 

Yep, ending. 

I don’t remember much anyway, save for his undying infidelity. After that, everything else was like just fleeting pieces of confetti that started out to be a whole sheet of metallic paper and ended up to be free-falling fragments waiting for the wind to take them. 

Don’t relationships start out like that?

A whole sheet of metallic paper…
unscathed
unfolded
unblemished
Yes, it was how it started. Of course I was just testing you then and you gave in. But it wasn’t me to just let you fall and leave you hanging. I wouldn’t deny that I fell myself. 

But soon enough you started crumpling and cutting OUR sheet. Technically, asking for some girl’s number isn’t really disloyalty but I confronted you anyway. Yeah yeah it passed alright, but your scheming acts did not. Soon after you were all geared up and back to your little games but I’m not one to buy your BS excuses again. I’ve grown tired and numb to it that I think I’ve outsmarted myself from thinking that forgiveness can patch things up.

And I’ve proven that love alone can not rebuild trust and that I’m smart enough to evaluate whether a relationship is healthy or not.  

Before I knew it we were confetti… falling farther and farther apart with each wind blow. 

I can’t really tell whether I feel bad that once again I got myself into a useless relationship or that I feel better that now I’m finally out of it. 

But I’d like to believe that falling confetti is a symbol of a remarkable feat. 

 

Welcome me!

Hell-oh Dubaaaaai! 🙂

I’ll be spending the next thirty days here.

So let me enjoy.

Cough and colds, go away!!!!

 

I can’t say I’m not flattered.

Did I spell it right?

I know I haven’t been around for so long, so I don’t expect you guys to go about this page.

But I’d still like to thank you for dropping by from time to time, and trying to tell me you’re still waiting on new posts that I’m not sure will be coming out soon.

So, it’s summer time, the whole time for vacation so I’d expect photos when we go out but since we’re low on cash, we’d rather stay home while I stay addicted to some online game from the local server.

You want screen shots?

Nah.

Let’s just say it’s my way to take out the stresses brought about by many stressors. 🙂

So, how’ve you all been?

 

This site

is dead.

But the owner is still not.

Stay tuned for more info.

I guess.

 

:(

Who am I?

What am I?

I am… confused.

 

She Said, He Said

I laid in bed beside him, with my back against him. In front of me was the wall. Slowly, I spread out my fingers and rested my palm against it, trying to feel the coldness of the concrete.

I had been thinking about this for a long time.

“Why am I here? I don’t belong here.” I thought to myself. 

From behind me he stretched his arm to reach my hand.
 
But just as soon as the tip of his finger touched my skin, I took my hand away from the wall. 

He reached for my face, trying to turn it to his. He carressed my cheek and felt that it was warm… And wet.

“You’re crying?” I suppose he was startled.

Then I took his hand off my face, held it for a moment and sighed. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked. 

I couldn’t say a word. 

I thought the coldness of the wall would make me feel better.  

“It ends here.” I said, almost shaking. 

“What… did you say?” He finally broke the longest and most deafening silence. 

With my thumb, I massaged his knuckles, hoping it would calm him while I thought of the best way to tell him. 

“It’s not the same anymore.” I said. I could swear I went baritone. 

“You don’t love me anymore.” He assumed. I knew he’d think so. 

I closed my eyes for a while and breathed in before turning to face him. 

“I still do.”
“Then what are you telling me?”

I traced his face with my fingers. From his forehead, his brows, his eyelashes and eyelids, to his nose and lips. I didn’t want to miss anything.

But I am sure to miss every part of him.

But I have to tell him. I have to tell him what has been crushing my heart. 

“I don’t feel that you love me anymore.” I said. I couldn’t stop my tears from falling. 
“But I do.”
“That’s what you say. But I, I feel like I’m nothing to you. It’s just so different now. I wish you didn’t change.”
“I thought you said you don’t want us to end. We were not going to fall apart.”

I couldn’t answer. 

I rested my forehead against his and hugged him gently. 

“I love you.” He told me. 

“Sshh…” It was the first time I heard him say that after days of not talking. 

I ran my fingers over his eyes to close them. He held me so close that I felt his heart beating. I wanted this to last. I wanted him to be the last. We stayed like that until he finally fell asleep.

It didn’t feel as good and as warm as it did when he first held me. His heart didn’t even beat as loud as it did as before.

I watched him sleep.

I guess only while he slept will I have the strength to tell him. 

“I love you, Carlo. I love you so much that it hurts just as much thinking about how you can still try to find someone else. You promised me we would be together till the end. But you changed it all when you started flirting around. I tried to be patient. But I just can’t take it anymore that you can go on not talking to me for days. It breaks me apart that you don’t treat me as well as you did before. And what hurts me more is that just as soon as you say those three words, my heart just melts. And it’s not right anymore. It can’t go on this way. I love you too much that I never want to lose you, but I just feel that it’s you who is slipping away.”

I looked at him the whole night. I looked at the face of the man I wanted to lay in bed with and wake up next to for the rest of my life. 

But the rest of my life ends tonight.

I placed my hand against the wall again, maybe telling it to protect him as I can no longer do so.   

It has been forty-three days since I left.  

And he never wondered where I went. He never looked for me. 

So I was right. He didn’t love me anymore. He just couldn’t tell me.

I closed my eyes.

I still remember every feature of his face.

I still remember…