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I should’ve died in my sleep last night instead

04 Dec

I said I’d be okay when you leave. 
I would’ve prepared myself before then. 
What started in an instant
     can be cut off just as fast. 
Yeah, I’ve heard of that a lot…
     … from myself even.
So why now does it still hurt?

I said this would’ve brought about
     a good poetry or prose
but the words just don’t fit.  
Or was it my heart that slipped? 
Screw my heart. Bash my head. 
In the end, this will still be the end. 

Yeah, I lost it. I lost you. I lost me. 
What I have left are what-ifs
     and could-have-beens. 
Crap. I’m the one to lose again
and I’m the one I should blame. 
In my ears, Evanescence is playing. 
Inside, all of me is breaking. 
My head is clouded, my eyes teary. 
The words just fall away from me. 

I said I’d be ready when you leave. 
So why the hell do I still grieve?
I lost grip. It came to me
that before it started, I lost already. 
I close my eyelids ’cause they got heavy
and I wait for my tears to fall freely.  

 
19 Comments

Posted by on December 4, 2010 in Oo na, heartbroken na.

 

19 responses to “I should’ve died in my sleep last night instead

  1. nielz

    December 9, 2010 at 7:24 am

    nice poetry rizz.. in pernes bago ang lay out. hehe

     
    • Carizza

      December 13, 2010 at 1:01 pm

      Thanks Nielz. Haha. Mwahmwah!

       
  2. Jerro

    December 8, 2010 at 2:30 am

    no pressure. blog at your own pace. :]

     
    • Carizza

      December 8, 2010 at 6:38 pm

      Yeah, I’ll keep that in mind.🙂

       
  3. cofiboi

    December 7, 2010 at 9:03 pm

    am i too late to give you a hug?🙂
    di na kasi ako nakakapag blog hop lately.

     
    • Carizza

      December 8, 2010 at 6:33 pm

      It’s cool. I’m too busy to try to even look at myself anyway. HAHA. Di na natuloy meet-up natin ah haha.

       
  4. Tom Baker

    December 7, 2010 at 8:32 pm

    This is a beautifully written poem. Sad.

    After such a long time between posts, I’m glad to see you back. I would like to feature this poem in my Poetic License segment in March. Would that be okay?

    Also did you stop by to see the menu I prepared for the dinner party? Take care and I hope you can cheer up and stay happy!

     
    • Carizza

      December 8, 2010 at 6:37 pm

      Hey, Tom. Thanks for liking it. I didn’t really think anyone would find beauty in this when I thought it was just a bunch of babble. :))

      Sure you can feature this, I’d love that.🙂 And that dinner party got me. I thought it was for real. :))))

       
      • Tom Baker

        December 8, 2010 at 9:03 pm

        I like your new design! I thought you sounded confused but I hope you liked the food!

         
      • Carizza

        December 13, 2010 at 1:00 pm

        Thanks, Tom. I’ll be renovating it still.

         
  5. Mental Climax

    December 5, 2010 at 10:17 pm

    Hands down. You write so well. I have never stopped believing in you, Carizza.

     
    • Carizza

      December 6, 2010 at 4:01 pm

      Weeeeeew.

      I can’t believe there are people who still believe in me.

       
  6. Jerro

    December 5, 2010 at 4:20 pm

    you are not the only one. and things like that should happen at some point in our lives so we would know the difference. cheer up. there are more good things yet to come.

     
    • Carizza

      December 5, 2010 at 6:19 pm

      Yeah, I know. It happens all the time. I just thought it was fairly odd, because I thought I convinced myself that I won’t cry when he leaves because I’ve prepared myself for the worst.

      Then again. It didn’t work. :))

      BTW, it’s nice to have you back.🙂

       
      • Jerro

        December 6, 2010 at 6:49 am

        yeah. i’m😀 to be back! gulat ka noh? hehe. ang dami ko na-miss na blogs.

         
      • Carizza

        December 6, 2010 at 4:02 pm

        Yeah, I’m glad you found the enthusiasm to be back.

        I’m gradually losing the time though.😦

         
  7. Jerro

    December 5, 2010 at 4:18 pm

    you are not the only one. and things like that should happen at some point in our lives so we would the difference..

     
  8. nielz

    December 5, 2010 at 2:13 pm

    Ateh, ano ka ba naman. malayo yan sa bituka. hehehe.. anways, i enjoyed reading your blog. xlinks tayo ha. thanks! mwah *sa lips hahahaha…

     
    • Carizza

      December 5, 2010 at 6:19 pm

      HAHA, salamat ah, kahit na hindi na to updated binibisita mo pa.🙂

       

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