I only think of you at night.
When my day comes to a close, when the blue sky turns to rust, and so to dust, I get anxious. There’s a fear in me that hinders me to live as I did before there was you. I do not like watching how the sun sets, how the sky changes its colors, how the hands of the clock turn degrees, because by doing so, I know I will only be lonely.
My two-hour travel time to and from school became dense, heavy and thick. I do not notice that before. My only concern then was to get to school on time, and get home as early as I can. I never thought that I would ever realize how lonesome my trips would be without you beside me. When did I ever want you? When did I start longing for you? When did I need you?
So again, I have all these questions in my head to be reviewed over and over but still left unanswered. And when night falls, this confusion, this thirst for answers, this hunger for closure grows and deepens. It’s a torture that never ends until the memory of you lets me go – or I let go.
It’s been almost a month since I lost you, since I last knew you, and though it should’ve been long enough, though you have been distant enough, there will always be these long nights to captivate me and somehow encage me to think of you, and think if you ever think of me too.
How much more sleepless nights do I have to waste on my recurring and annoying thoughts you? How many more sighs do I have to release in hope of exhaling everything you left in me? How many movies do I have to watch to get you off my mind for a temporance? How many posts do I have to publish just to let my madness go?
Only at night do I think of you…
But every damn day I miss you.